Celebrations have broken out across Britain tonight, as that dick who killed me in Fortnight later died in second place.

That Dick, originally from Bolton, sniped Joe Parlock with one shot from over 100 metres away, stealing my grenade launcher, potions, and a substantial amount of materials. Fortunately, a few moments later, Dick was then killed themselves by falling from their own tower, ending their bid for victory at only second place.

“Oh it was marvellous” said Mabel John-Smith of Telford, organiser of the Fuck That Dick Street Party taking place in the city, “That Dick had it coming to ‘em, sniping Joe like that. What a jammy shot that was”.

Since their embarrassing defeat, Dick has refused all requests for comment by the press. A spokesperson for the Dick family has confirmed a press conference discussing the cheap as all hell kill, as well as Dick’s hilarious cock-up mere seconds later, will be held in the coming days.

For more information about the nearest street party to you, please visit this website.

Joe is LPVG’s resident hardware nerd. If it’s overpriced and has gaudy RGB lighting, he’s probably drooling over it. He loves platformers, MMOs, RPGs, hack ‘n slashers and FPS, with his favourite games being Mirror’s Edge, Left 4 Dead, Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Oblivion and Dead Space. Don’t ask him about his unhealthily large Monsters Inc memorabilia collection. Seriously, just don’t ask…

%d bloggers like this: