Picture yourself attending a party one evening. The host has laid out a table of junk food snacks, some paper plates, and various plastic containers of treats and nibbles other guests have brought along with them.
Now, picture that this table is actually covered in video games. Let’s work out which food is which video game.
Why? Because, much like a wine-pairing list, we hope that by pairing video games and snack foods, we can create a nice pairing chart that matches the emotional mood of the consumer to their game and consumables.
MSG-Coated Pringles – The Binding of Isaac
While Salt and Vinegar Pringles are MSG free, many other flavours do contain that meaty, earthy flavour that the human body seems to find incredibly addictive in savoury foods. The whole “Once you pop, you can’t stop” tag-line existed for a reason.
Much like MSG-coated Pringles, The Binding of Isaac seems purpose-designed for people craving just a little taste, but ultimately finding themselves going “oh just one more” until it’s now six hours later, there are no Pringles left within a three-mile radius, and you still kind of want to keep playing your video game even though it’s now 3am.
Go on, cry through that hell basement white eating a Prawn Cocktail Pringle, or two, or three, or four, or five, or six……
Pizza – Doom
ARRRGGGHHHHH shove that mess of flavours, colours, feelings and textures in your face. It’s an explosion of power, carbohydrates and alien blood, and it’s exactly the kind of frantic mess of a meal you need right now.
Sure, if you binge it for a while you’ll eventually end up a little overloaded, sluggish and ready for a break, something lighter and less heavy. The problem is that there’s always that once slice left to consume. You know you should just leave it for tomorrow, it’ll be just fine microwaved after a nap, you really kind of want to finish it right now.
Chocolate – Resident Evil 7 in VR
Chocolate is great in moderate doses. A little here, a little there, it’s rather amazing. While you’re eating it, it’s the best thing in the world. For a brief moment you can picture every meal for the rest of your life being chocolate.
And then, you realise you’ve eaten just a little too much. It becomes sickly, warm, and a little gross. You don’t feel horrid, but you know if you have any more you’re going to go from slightly iffy to fully unwell.
Chocolate is the VR of food. It can sometimes seem like a great way to enjoy every video game for the rest of your life, until all of a sudden you realise you need to stop, put it down, and return to different kinds of gaming.
Toxic Waste – Dark Souls
I have no idea if these existed outside of the UK in the 90’s, but Toxic Waste were a boiled sweet designed to cause pain, humiliation and discomfort. Consuming them was a challenge. Just thinking about them makes my face burn up.
Toxic Waste exist purely for people to showcase how cool they are, how unbeatable they are, and how unbreakable their resolve is. Like beating a tough optional boss, no armour, punching the boss and not using any estus flasks or levelling up, it’s a show of ability designed to prove worth through unnecessary suffering.
Red Bull – Guitar Hero
Okay, it’s not strictly a food, but you can totally picture it on that imaginary table from the start of the article, and I needed something to wrap this up with so deal with it.
ON A COLD WINTER MORNING, IN THE TIME BEFORE THE LIGHT!
Yeah, Red Bull. Yeah. I’ll just back away…
And there you have it, our imaginary list of junk foods turned video games. Let us know if you try out any of these beautiful combinations in your own gaming life. Or all of them maybe, I dunno, with enough Red Bull you could probably do these all at once I guess.