Scientists have recently claimed that video game celebrity Crash Bandicoot might not actually be a bandicoot.
According to experts at the University of Northumbriestershire, Crash Bandicoot, a figure who has graced video games for over 20 years, is nothing like an actual bandicoot.
Dr. Gertrude Kline, Zoologist at the University, argues that Crash “is must bigger than the 30 centimetres that is standard for the species, does not have a bifurcated penis, and his diet of mostly apples conflicts with all current understanding of the true bandicoot. Bandicoots are too small to get their little mouths around an apple, that’s why they have to settle for insects”.
Dr. Kline also argues his protectiveness over his sister Coco and his assortment of friends is also contrary to standard bandicoot behaviour. However, there is another species endemic to Australia that Crash may actually be, according to the expert: “he’s a sodding dingo. Isn’t it obvious?”
According to dingo expert Professor Rory Dodgeson, Crash displays characteristics more in line with the canine species than any marsupial.
“He’s got a large pack of friends which would be standard for a breeding dingo of his age, he’s known to hunt and attack creatures much larger than him, and the size of his teeth suggests a much more omnivorous diet than the bandicoot is known for,” Dodgeson began,
“Also look at him. What’s orange and white and has big, pointy ears? Dingos. Not bandicoots.”
Crash Bandicoot did not immediately respond to our request for comment.