Police are currently investigating the theft of Joe Parlock’s heart on Friday morning in a case being described as “kinda sad, really”.

The suspect, identified locally as Bowser, was last seen fleeing the Switch press event at approximately 4:30AM on Friday, January 13. Police describe the suspect as “a big boy” and “dressed so sharp you could cut yourself on him”.

Victim Mr. Parlock, 22 from the United Kingdom, told us at the scene that the suspect is “super dreamy” and “just… just my everything”. The Police are also imploring Bowser to turn himself in, saying “actually, we want a piece of that action too”.

This situation is developing.

Joe is LPVG’s resident hardware nerd. If it’s overpriced and has gaudy RGB lighting, he’s probably drooling over it. He loves platformers, MMOs, RPGs, hack ‘n slashers and FPS, with his favourite games being Mirror’s Edge, Left 4 Dead, Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Oblivion and Dead Space. Don’t ask him about his unhealthily large Monsters Inc memorabilia collection. Seriously, just don’t ask…

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