It’s LPVG, back at it again with some hard hitting reports about imagined aspects of fictional video game characters. This time it’s not imagining Waluigi’s dong or hypothesising about Clifford the Big Red Dog being a Titan from Attack on Titan, today we’re making theories about Tetris block sexualities.

I Block

tetris-review-I-piece

The straight line I block would be an obvious contender for the heterosexual Tetris block (because lol, it’s the straight one), but we here at LPVG don’t go for such low hanging fruit. We believe the I Block is pansexual, indicating sexual attraction to all other Tetris blocks regardless of gender. It’ll fit into any gap regardless of which blocks the holes belong to, it’s always welcome to join the sexual fray, and it fits into any combination of shapes and spots. It’s versatile as hell, considered rarer than it actually is, and can help liven up any situation involving the filling of holes.

O Block

tetris-review-O-piece

The square block is straight. It has a defined shape that is inflexible. It is inflexible where it fits itself. It can’t change shape and is only happy being its own shape and fitting into gaps of a set shape. It’s common, it’s inflexible, it knows what it is and where it fits. The square O Block is straight.

L Block and J Block

You+cheating+bitch+that+was+my+brother+reverse+l+_46fd015f4d0f02b2b06bc961e4c15108

The L and J blocks are homosexual blocks, with L obviously being the Lesbian Block because L stands for Lesbian in the LGBTQ+ acronym. What does J stand for? Just likes banging men.

So, why do we think the L and J block represent gay men and women? They only fit with other blocks of their own shape. An L block can flip upside down and fit with another L block, same for two J blocks. They can fit with another identical block perfectly but not really with any other kind of block. They were meant for another block that shared their physical properties. Gay blocks.

S and Z blocks

Tetris_S.svg

The S and Z blocks are asexual. They do not do well with being inserted into gaps. They’d rather slot in next to another block than fill a hole. Why are there two asexual blocks? Because not all asexual blocks are the same. Some are shy, quiet and reserved, some are outgoing and high on social energy. Both are equally uninterested in filling in deep holes.

T Block

Tetris_T.svg

The T Block is a block with a fluid and undefined sense of sexuality, as well as a fluid gender expression. It might be the base upon which other blocks connect, it could flip around and be the right fit for a gay or lesbian block, it could cuddle up next to an asexual block or have a pansexual block drop down on it. The only block it doesn’t mesh well with is the square O Block. That rigid gender and sexuality doesn’t mesh well with purely fluid gender and sexuality. As antitheses, they struggle to mesh.

And there you go, that’s how we think sexuality relates to tetris blocks. I hope you had as much fun reading as we did trying to write this.

Oh, and a sucessful tetris is a giant group orgy orgasm platonic hug lust ecstacy explosion… or something….

Laura's gaming journey began in the 90′s when she was given a SNES by her older brother with Mario paint. From that day video games were all she thought about day or night, be it playing them, designing them, discussing them or writing about them.

%d bloggers like this: