My dearest sweetheart,

It has been six hours now since the Uplay servers were last functional, and I fear my time on this earth might be growing shorter and shorter with each passing second.

My thoughts frequently turn to The Division, and how I am unable to play it during this trying time. Try as I might, all I receive are error messages informing me of my plight. Each time I attempt to launch the game, my heart sinks further still.

I am growing weak. A shadow looms over me, a shadow that is normally kept at bay by being able to complete the daily missions, or by an hour or so wandering the Dark Zone in search of sick loot. My mouth is dry, my limbs as heavy as cattle, and I so, so cold.

Though I tried to fight it at first, I have come to accept that this is the end. I tried to play Rainbow Six Siege, Steep, even Watch Dogs 2, but alas all reached the same ill conclusion. No matter how much I pleaded, cried, raged, and frantically refreshed the official Uplay Twitter account, but the servers would simply not return. I have been stranded, left to my fate by the cruel lords of Ubisoft, and so now all I think of is you.

Before the void takes me, my love, I ask but one thing: forget about me. Do not waste your youth mourning for me, as the families of many others stricken by this outage have. Find someone who loves you, someone who was not as beyond hope as I. Someone who did not waste the prime of their life farming for Barrett’s Chest Piece and Dark Zone credits. Find someone with real purpose to their life, and go forth and be happy.

I must go now. Merely writing this letter is taking the very last of my energy. It’s so dark here. So without hope. Even knowing you will read this and think of me one last time leaves me with a profound sense of calmness.

Goodbye, my love,

Joe Parlock, your helpless Division addict

P.S. Please remember to collect my weekly in-game supply drops. You can get some good shit from those.

Joe is LPVG’s resident hardware nerd. If it’s overpriced and has gaudy RGB lighting, he’s probably drooling over it. He loves platformers, MMOs, RPGs, hack ‘n slashers and FPS, with his favourite games being Mirror’s Edge, Left 4 Dead, Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Oblivion and Dead Space. Don’t ask him about his unhealthily large Monsters Inc memorabilia collection. Seriously, just don’t ask…

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